(I play a game 1 hour every Sunday and write what happens inaccurately. Currently I'm playing through Majora's Mask. See previous parts here.)
This is a week late because it was my birthday last sunday and I thought I'd take a break.
I'm also gonna preface this by saying this last week has been an explosion of stories of people who've suffered from abuse in the video game development and streaming industry. I'm just gonna link to some great lists you can read here and here to learn more.
Last time, we made our slow way through the Goron Mining Shaft to reach the Big Bad Bull That Can Shoot Electricity because that's apparently what's causing the mountain to be snowy... ?
But yeah, that's the case. And now I just gotta do the rolly-rolly's to defeat the bull
And I got it first try.
and it sort of bumbles around and crashes into the wall
where boulders fall on top of it. All right.
Hmm... Do I want that?
I still don't understand this mask thing. Who made the mechanical bull? Why was it evil? Who gave it a mask? Who made the mask? Why was it dark? Why did an evil bull need a dark mask? Why did the dark mask keep the spirit impri--
okay, I'll stop. But just... What. At least this part was clearer in Ocarina. The Dungeons just seem to be "oh, we need dungeons, uhhh, dark masks, evil bulls, go go go".
Let's head out--
Oh, wait why am I getting a close-up of Link's dreamy eyes?
OH RIGHT FORGOT ABOUT THE CLOUD REALM
And after some more visuals
and some weird sounds, we get an... answer?
All right. That explains it all.
that's a... creative interpretation. What are they protecting? And how come they're doing it so poorly?
Wait, they are in the temples? How are you making that deduction?
But, okay, I guess, if we apply some Ocarina logic to this, we get summoned here after a temple, similar to Dog Man's Realm in Ocarina. So this is like the Ancient Creators of Hyrule (i mean this ironically) but, the Majora Version, which means, weird. I'm all for it.
And then we get a nice little montage of the outside mountain, where the snow thaws, instantly.
This is not Link jumping in glee, it's him falling slowly, for some reason. The Slow Falling is not explained.
Wait, what's that behind me?
Is that... the frog? It's jumping, all happy, as if it wants to say something to me, but when I approach all I get is an "Attack" prompt.
And I don't want to do that. I don't want to attack the frog.
I can't seem to do anything with the frog.
I'm quite sad about it. It just wants to play.
I move a little bit around the newly thawed place, and find a..
I don't approve of this snow-less mountain. I liked it better when there weren't Giant Bees.
I head into the smithy now that the anvil isn't frozen anymore and check what they got on offer:
Costs 100 rupees (which is an impossible amount of money), to get 100 slightly better swings?
Gold dust, you say? I catch your drift. I know what you want. I'll get you some "gold dust".
Towards the Goron Village, I remember a big ice-blocked path, so I go check it out.
Oh, there's a boulder now.
You want to see the races. Not even two minutes have passed since all the snow just evaporated and you're already on to the next thing to Want.
Kids these days amirite? Never happy.
Well, can't solve that problem for you, kiddo. Gotta wait I guess!
To town! The temple is... empty?
Oh, found them.
It is I, Darmani. The Great Goron Hero. I'm here to... say hi?
Oh you didn't have to.
Oh please stop.
No it's too...
oh fuck it. You know I want it.
IT FEEDS ME. I AM DARMANIII!!!!
Oh? Don't pick the kid. Whatever you do, just not him.
Oh. Oh. Oh no.
Don't pick me either. That's a really bad idea. What are you doing??
Okay, I'm doing this Darmani thing as a joke, but allow me to just drop character a little:
The fact that Link doesn't even, once, try to dispute the fact that he's Darmani is, to put it mildly, a little terrible. Gotta say. I mean, it was cute and all at first, but now it's getting outright dangerous.
They are about to elect a dumb, naive child as their patriarch. A child who's going to leave the town and never come back because he's busy picking up fairies in a bottle. This is a terrible idea. And it's all because Link is too deep in a lie now. Can't stop now, can you? That's just losing face. And Link. Never. Loses. Face.
Uhm, you may have noticed the big boulder there, pal. It's a little hard. I need to leave. If I never come back maybe they'll forget about me.
Now for the other blocked off path:
I know I praised Goron Architecture previously, but... this is really stupid. This ledge is too high for Goron Link to be able to reach.
Have to go back to being Regular Ass Link to jump up, and then back to Badass Goron Link to talk to people (so they think I'm Darmani). That's pretty silly.
Okay, also, there's something about the fact that Goron's go BIG. It's not age, because the old one is not big. So maybe it's just luck? or genes? Or maybe there's sub-race of Goron's that are just big? And they're like, their own little family.
the most famous product of the Gorons?
Yes. Give me, the Hero of the Gorons, everything that is Big and Explodes.
I need it.
Test ME? THE GREAT DARMANI?!? How Dare You.
Oh, okay. I was... I was going to do that... anyway. You know. I... yeah, that was just part of my... Uh, yeah. Okay. I'll take your "test".
dum-de-dum-de-dum just carrying ma keg
dum-de-dum-de-dum just blowing up the rock
(Link was never much of a rhymer)
HAHA-ahem. *cough*, hey kid.
Yeah. That was cool. I agree. Blowing up things is cool.
wait the race is already underway?
Soooo... these people have just been here the entire time? While there was snow everywhere? Just trapped in Race Purgatory, Doomed to Race Forever?
You're really trying to push me here kid.
I got better things to do.
... What... What's a rock sirloin? I better not ask, actually.
What's with this pressure, kid? You're a real bully, you know that?
Fine, I'll enter, if it shuts you up.
If Link is one thing, it's an enabler of the whims of silly rulers, and their kids.
Uh, okay, I'm not sure you're old enough to know about "magic power" yet, kiddo. That's some After 9pm-type content.
Anyways, Let's RACE
Which is the greatest utilization of the Goron Rolling yet. They really found a fun mechanic and exploited the hell out of it, didn't they?
Well, I'm all for it. It's really fu--
Ow-ow-ow what the fuck
So the other racers are ALSO bullies, because they love nothing more than stealing the green jars in front of you and bumping into you to stop your momentum.
So I lost.
The kid... was not a fan.
Yeah, that's it. Make up a dumb excuse to keep up your fantasy. Live in your own world. Heroes Lose, kid. They fuck up and are wrong. They die and then their identity is stolen by some Kokiri Kid with an Ocarina who doesn't know how to say no. It just happens. It's life. You gotta learn this some day.
Anyways, I tried the race a bunch more times, and finally won. Because Link naturally wants to keep the kid in his fantasy for as long as possible.
It was actually quite hard. The AI had some really weird rubberbanding going on or something since their speed would just randomly increase at the end of the race if I was in first.
But I did it:
Thanks. Really proud of you for standing there and doing nothing.
And it's not even you who are giving me the prize. Sick.
Oh snap. Gold Dust, you say? That's real kind. I'll go thank your dad.
Ah, yes, my most defining trait: Darmani, the Great Goron Hero. He was Quick.
But now we can also go get some big kegs, and I know exactly where to use it.
We'll see if that works, next time!