(I play a game 1 hour every Sunday and write what happens inaccurately. Currently I'm playing through Majora's Mask. See previous parts here.)
Last time, I helped some local businesses out with some milk transportation and strolled around town, looking for a good milkin', but just didn't find any. But no matter, I guess it is now time to check out that ocean I've heard so little about.
Only the one problem:
There's a big wall in the way.
You and I both know I don't really want to be spending most of my time trying to guess ways of getting past a big wall, so I look it up.
And... Oh. It's bad. It's real bad.
I'm in trouble here, folks.
This is... Oh man. Link is going to have to face some demons here.
This... I'm not gonna lie, this is going to be hard. It's going to be difficult. We might have to do a training montage or something. The mental strength this is going to require... is substantial.
Okay, Link. You can do this. Let's pull ourselves together. Slowly. Breathe. Steady.
The fucking horse.
Turns out, the lil' beastie can jump. Over big fences.
So maybe you and I have to become good friends, after all.
Nah, who am I kiddin'
Oh. It's a beach. Nice. Still scouting for potential party locations and this... well this just shot up the list.
Holy shoot, I did it. I rode a horse.
A fisherman, you say? What's the catch?
That sounds like a pretty good catch.
Ah. Well, at least you're honest. That's more than I can say about myself.
It's gotten warmer, now has it? That sounds like a problem to solve. For someone.
Huh. And you've just let him lie there?
You're right. That's about all any of us can do. Just let dead things die, etc etc.
Now what's this nice little fishie you got in this tank?
Uhh, okay, fish? I didn't ask your opinion.
I Am. It seems to want out, sir. I have an inquiry to make.
Oh no, not more horses. I can't take it.
Wait, really? I uhhh, am having a real inner conflict between never not accepting free things and that free thing being a horse--
Oh thank god. There's a condition. He has a condition. And the condition is...
He wants smut. Pirate smut, no less. Great. Good. Yeah. Uhm, I, Link, Hero of Ages, Longshot "Killer Instinct" Linkerson, can absolutely help you get some scandily clad females for... *ahem* your... collection. No problem.
What was I saying?
Right, let's go talk to that half-dead Zora in the ocean.
Yeah, he looks pretty half-dead.
Get you... some red potion? A magic song? A HORSE? What do you want?
Oh. Just to get to shore. That's... Let me see if I can push you... okay?
Is it working?
I think so?
uhuh, shore is getting closer. This is... odd.
Almost there, buddy.
Rise and shine, mr Zora. Clearly you, a water creature, has a much better time being on land, than in the... water.
Guess I go talk to him again.
Oh snap. The guitarist for the band. We know what band it is too. This guy's a legend. And he's just lying there! On the ground! We could murder him! Sell his guitar on the internet!
Oh, maybe he's gonna take care of that himself.
Uhhhhhhhhhh what? Excuse me? How did you?
Okay, you're just singing now. got it. Okay. Yeah. Sure. Uhuh. Totally.
She laid some strange eggs? And then she lost her voice? So you guys are reptilian? Or avian? ...Oviparies? I guess fish lay eggs. You're just fish.
I... I just hadn't thought about that before.
Of course they did. They're pirates. What did you expect?
Oh. Good job, kiddo. Smart. Going to stop pirates all by your lonesome.
So you want me to do what you couldn't.
Oh, he's dead again.
You spent your last energy on a song. To a dumb kokiri kid who pushed you, a water creature, ashore (which to be fair, he did ask for).
Guess I play the song of healing?
(This was also something I looked up. Apparently that red "heal my soul" is supposed to be a hint for that. I still don't remember the importance of the song of healing. But hey, apparently this is the new Zelda's Lullaby. It's not nearly as thematic.
But we get a strange little dream-sequence where he floats through space
and then someone else joins him.
and they join a band
and then he disappears
and turns into a mask.
WAIT HOLD THE GUITAR
I killed him?? By playing the Song of Healing?
What the hell game? False advertising! Play this on Skull Kid next time I see him.
I guess Link is a murderer after all.
And then he makes a grave and bows to it, all honourable. I see your ruse. You're just trying to pretend he "just" "died" on "the beach".
Yeah, you killer, you better pay some respect to the dead.
Hey, he ain't called Killer Instinct for nothin'.
Anyways, time to test out my new spoils:
Guess what, I'm a Zora now.
I can SWIMM!!
SWWIMMM right into the mouth of a fish
Oh, that's a big room. There's a lot of Zora in here.
I guess I should go see what's up.
Oh.. Oh no. Not again. Oh for fucks sake.
Okay, so not only do we KILL the lead guitarist of the most popular Zora Band in the Region, we also, literally, take his possessions, and impersonate him?
Link is trying to up his crime-per-episode-count, I see. Wowzer. This is bad.
Also this is pretty funny. I take off the mask, talk to someone in Regular Link Attire:
He's all "no nonsense you're just a regular Kokiri I ain't talking to you"
and then I equip the mask right in front of him, talk to him again and
Now he thinks I'm the legendary guitarist who he hasn't seen in a while. And he lets me into "my" room, of course. Where the drummer is hanging out.
It is I, the Great Mikau, the Guitarist You've All Known for Years, who can Definitely Play Guitar and Definitely Knows the Zorian Alphabet, if such one does exist.
...I've figured. It seems like things aren't going great.
Oh? Well, neither have I. I haven't heard it in... since... nope. Never, actually.
...She has a secret? That's news to me.
Ah, there's a Temple is there? I could've told you that. I, the Guitarist, am very well versed in Temples, and "weirdness"
and bad befallings of descendants of ancient folks.
This is, in fact, you might consider it, right up my wheelhouse. Or, guitar string. Or whatever guitarists say. Of which I am one. So therefore I do know what they say. In fact, they are quite renowned, as I should know, for saying "up my wheelhouse".
It's a bit of a trope, really. Now. That I've made it one. Thank you for your attention and words. Drummer.
Oh, I do. I... do.
*nods* *walks off.*
(whispers) "I think he bought it."
Next band member to impress!
Oh fuck. I got nothing on this guy. He's clearly everything I want to be and more.
Just look at those luscious bands of hair. Look at that exquisite bass. Look at that perfect, red ring on his finger. He's... perfect.
I'm right here, homie. Wherever you want me to be.
*Ahem*, anyways. Next band member! I clearly have nothing to say to this one.
Ah, a pianist! I can show him what's what! Pianists are simple folk.
Eggs? What? I... Oh right shit. I was... I... You know... how you plan on doing something... and then you tell your friend you're gonna do it, and then....
you die and a Kokiri kid takes over your body and he just hasn't done it yet?
No? That never happened to you?
Well. Tough luck. Because I ain't got no eggs.
Of course there is. I know that. Being the person in which this blood you speak of is flowing. Naturally. I know that. But no, I got no eggs. So goodbye! May you live in peace.
And outside the last room, a boy is... uh... doing... something:
Ah. Yes, I see. You were... keeping an "eye" on her. You do know she's not in there, right? She's out back, everyone says so. *I* know that and I know nothing else about anyone here.
I mean, you weren't. Because she's not... in there. What are you trying to defend here?
...The fact that they use "slimy fish" as an insult is a bit strange, considering they're... fish. But whatever. I'll let that slide. This person is also... albeit a tad worse than the other ...horny guy. I guess.
No, I'm just...
in her room. Looking at... the things... in there, for... scientific... reasons. Of trying to... learn how to play... guitar... naturally.
WAIT WHAT'S THAT GUY DOING IN HERE
Christ. What the fuck.
Okay, I'm calling it here today. Too many things have happened. Too many crimes, both comitted by me and other people.
I need a break. I guess I'll go not-talk to the voiceless singer next time. And probably go get some eggs back from some pirates. While taking pictures of them.
What the hell. See ya next time.