I hate this feeling,
A low, gnawing, prickly feeling,
of something a little too much coming up.
This dredge, drawn qualm of waiting,
of assumption, of fear. Fear of the known, really.
I stay in this mode forever, too,
a sick kind of pseudo-anxiety, a looming,
travel-depression, a hope that life stays at home.
Waiting, music feels amazing. In that perfect bliss only
a harmonious beat can make, that ur-need to feel rhythm, to dream,
is all taken away because I have to leave soon.
The world outside would tear me down, would drag me apart and make me drown, I
will be terrified and wish for nothing but to be back where things make sense, where I know tea is ready in fifteen minutes, where no one cares what I am, where I am, who I am, why I am.
for a little moment longer,
for a moment longer,
until I have to crack, look up, and face something far more dangerous than all I've ever known.
Guess when I wrote this? If you're guessing "before I went to a
party/social thing", you're right. I don't really think this needs much
more explanation than that, to be honest. It's about that feeling I
always feel before I need to go somewhere. That feeling of not wanting
to go but knowing that you will forget that as soon as you're there.
On another note: I've now been doing this for 2 months! Wooh! I already feel myself getting better at it too, which is awesome :) But I've been slacking off in uploading them, I know :/