Sunday Morning Game Ocarina of Time Part 36

Which I found strange because I had just been there. So I moved closer, and... the laser-friend spawned on top of it. Ah, right. Now to remember how to kill those.
Na'vi kindly has a hint that they don't like smoke in their eyes so it's Bomb Time!

All right, next room:

O...kk.. The Stone Umbrella turns out to be a 

Big Stone Block. You just push that under the dropping spikes--ahem sorry the "Rain of Blades" and they can't... drop. Like spikes. It's not quite an umbrella because I never go underneath it, really. So it's just kinda a big stone. Not sure I needed the hint here of all places? There's some parts later that definitely could use this sign, trust me.

DEATH

In case you'd forgotten where we were.

Oh yeah, we were looking for the Hyrule's bloody history of greed! Is it in the skull? If we throw a bomb down it?

No :(

All right, maybe these windy tunnels are saying something?

Like, maybe it was on a windy day that the Hyrulian Royalty... installed spikes everywhere.

Oh, golly. More wind, now blowing in all directions.
And to top it all off, that eye above the door shoots fireballs. Fireballs? Yes. Sure.

Behind the door though, is our next clue:

Let's see what happens if we do that.

Ok, that out of the way, let me show you the first instance of "That-Coulda-Used-A-Sign" (TCUS^TM): 

This door is locked. I have no key. And there are no more rooms nearby for me to get a key in. So.. I asked Ruto.

And there's this tiny bunch of textures:

With a crack, and that's apparently enough of a hint to tell you to use a bomb on it:

Which gives you nothing, unless you use the eye of invisibility-seeing to see an invisible chest there:

With a key in it.

Sooo, running theory: It was windy, so they used their hover boots to travel across a chasm in which they used explosives to blow open a door to a

Boat.

The secret is Boats.

Aw, look at that symbol right there! 

I am so ready.

And turns out, true enough, play that Zelda jingle and the boat scoots right along. Like a ferry.

Oh. Death. Ferry. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh hi. I was just theorizing here. Please.

Oh, you can come too, sure.

Ok, as I died a bunch of times as I tried to get across this boat, let's just say that it's definite that the Hyrulians were Ferrymen of the Dead. It all makes sense! 
That's why there's only skeletons left, because they ferried them all here! That's why all the death symbols were everywhere! That's why you get hover boots and and eye and ok maybe not.

The funniest thing that happened on the boat, though, was this: It reaches the end and then suddenly, a text box appears that says "Oh no! The ship is sinking! Abandon Ship! Jump to the nearest platform!"

But, this being my first time I didn't know where this platform was, and there was still a skeleton-man there to distract me, so I didn't know what the hell so I fell down with the boat. But falling in this game doesn't kill you. It just respawns you at an earlier point, and takes some damage.
So I respawned before the boat, but had only half a heart left, so I died there instead. Nice.

So I did the boat a few more times before I finally got to the next bit of invisible walls and hand-monsters and this room:

With encroaching spike-walls made of WOOD that you CAN'T BOMB, but instead you have to use...

Din's Fire? For the second time in the entire game? That one random ability you could've completely missed? Great. Yep. Another TCUS^TM!

And there's the boss key. Behind the spikes.

Ok, new theory: When you destroy these skulls, a crap-ton of money spills out. And the hint last time said Hyrule's Bloody History of GREED. Ok? SO, these are all the Hyrulians, and they buried themselves with their money. Because of greed.

...

That's a pretty crap secret. I hope that's not it.

But ok no wait, new theory, because of this next bit:

So, I got the boss key and everything and all I needed was to get across this river to the boss room. But there was no way and it was too far for hover boots. So I asked Ruto again and turns out you need to shoot these bomb plants with a regular arrow so they explode and therefore this pillar will fall down?

All right? TCUS^TM.

But look here, there's a bird head on that statue. And there was one on the ship as well. Sooo, wind, birds, there's something there. The Hyrulians were actually birds! Hoverboots! It all makes sense! They made hoverboots because they were biir...

Ok, no they WANTED to be birds. That's why they made the hoverboots. So they could fly for at least 2 meters! Short-term birds. And it's bloody because... they... they must've killed a lot of people, just look at these walls:

Yeah, yeah, ok, and then they succeeded but it all went horribly wrong so they buried their secret down here. And the boss is this big grotesque bird monster that's like Frankenstein, but a bit more... beaky.

Right? I'm Right aren't I? Just, come on game, give it to me.

...That could be kinda a bird's foot?

Maybe?

Uh. Excuse me?

Pfft. what. uh. Lol? 

The hands then started to bang on the ground like a drum in a rhythm that makes Link jump every fourth beat. Like he just can't stop. Like he can't get enough.

So the secret is... 

Bongo Drums.

The truth behind Hyrule's Bloody History of Greed and Hatred is...

Bongo Drums.

Let... me think about that one for a bit. That... 

I think I... no I got nothin'

So, while I think about that for a week, let's call it and beat Bongo-boy next time! I need to go lie down.

(See I was f'ing right it was Something with B. FFS.)