(I play a game every Sunday and write what happens inaccurately. Currently I'm playing through Majora's Mask. See previous parts here.)
Last time, the game threw a real curveball at me by introducing the fact that it still has temples, and now I have to complete them on a timer. Oh, and there's collectibles. Because WHY NOT! Let's finish this temple! Hopefully within the next hour or so!
The very first thing I did after loading up was falling in a hole.
Then I spent 10 minutes getting back to where I fell in that hole.
Then I fell in it again.
I'm not gonna lie, the game almost broke me there. I was close to just calling it quits and never go back. Fuck this temple. I... honestly might do temples outside sundays in the future and do a recap or something, because it sucks to spend this long and get nothing out of it. We'll see how the other ones go.
BUT I got through it and met up with this guy
Who's a great mixture of a skeleton-man and a lizalfos from Ocarina of Time, so he's a great pal.
And then I get a bow!
See, this time Link wastes no time with a slingshot as a child and jumps STRAIGHT to a bow. An item he could not use as a child in the previous game. Despite the fact that he is not any more grown up now than he was then. So far, so great.
Some more dungeoning happen with my new bow until I'm surprised by the greatest party guest of all time:
Dunno, Tatl, it doesn't look that weak to me. Those crazy-eyes are killer.
Oh and it summons backup and RIDES ON IT.
Greatest Gekko ever. Instant Party Invite! Instant!
But, unfortunately, because the game deems it so, I have to kill it.
And then it turns into a wee blue frog. I don't know why. It just does.
No time to rest, got a boss key, time to find out what's been poisoning the swamp, stealing princesses and causing an overall bad time for anything mildly aquatic!
Is it a frog? A poisonous swamp? A snake? An amoeba?
Just a dude. A big dude, sure. In a mask, sure. But it's just a dude. I'm honestly disappointed.
And then commences the strangest boss fight I have ever done in a Zelda game.
Not because it was bad or because it was good or because it was as weird narratively as some of the other ones have been. But purely because I had no idea what was happening through the entire fight. And then I won.
Lemmesee if I can recall it from memory.
So, he did a spinny attack, and some normal slash attack. While I was staying in the flower and he couldn't hit me. I then jumped out form the flower and he jumped up and tried to hit me. Okay, so far, so normal. After some time, where I didn't do anything or cause anything to happen, a cutscene kicks in and he summons small little beetles.
I kill those and then he starts spawning rings of fire around me, which i can't leave (because they're made of fire) and he'll jump into it after a bit so I have to time my dodge. Then he stops that and starts spin-attacking again.
I killed him using bombs.
Like, there were bombs around the arena, Goron flower style, and I picked them up and just threw them places, and then, somehow, he died.
I only saw him getting hit twice.
I don't know if that was all that was needed or if I hit him more without realizing. And listen to these sounds he's making! That's the most incongruent sounds I've heard in these games. It sounds like it's coming from a different set of speakers.
Oh, and arrows did nothing. Because why would they when Tatl has just said that I shouldn't get close? Don't be silly.
Sooo, what do I get?
Oh, no, Link. Don't pick that up. That seems gross.
"Freed the innocent spirit that this dark mask had imprisoned within the body of Evil Odolwa." Excuse me?
There's... a lot to unpack there.
So, there was an innocent spirit within the body of Odolwa, who was imprisoned there because of a Dark Mask. Are the mask and Odolwa related? Why is Odolwa Evil? It seems like it was the mask that did the work? And who's the spirit? And how do you even know you freed it? I cannot see anything other than Odolwa's Remains, and they seem pretty whatever to me--
woah, hold on, what's happening. Are we doing Dog Man again??
... thank you.
"IT" begins making some sort of crying sound. Or screaming. or something. It's oddly melodic.
You know what, I think you're right. Now please, transcribe the notes for me because I don't have perfect pitch.
Thank you! Damn, Tatl is good.
I play it and we get some more visuals...
"Oath to Order"? All right, wonder what that does.
(Like, honestly, that's not a bit. I've no idea what that'll do).
Who are you?! I don't have a phone! It's not been invented yet! (I think).
But then I'm booted out of the hallucinogen-induced dream-state and back in reality where
the water is lowered or the temple is rising, it's honestly a little hard to tell.
and the water is clear! Beat that, poison! I killed an Evil Warrior, and now the water is clean! Biology!
oh uh, I feel a revelation incoming. It's gonna be huge.
oh, was that who he was talking about? I thought he was talking about the Great fairies? Does that mean I don't have to get those? Because I'm still missing, like 7 of the 15 fairies I need to get, so please tell me now. That'd be Awesome.
There it is! What a revelation.
Oh, the mountains are next, are they? Well, I'm glad you got the GameFAQs guide open, because I just closed mine!
To the Mountains we go! This'll be a breeze!
Wait. I feel like there's something else we were supposed to do here in the temple. Like, weren't we sent here by somebody? To find... someone?
Oh, right, hello. That's the princess. I was just gonna get to you. Don't worry, you were first on my mind, promise.
oh does it? Yeah, it's a little hard to wash with all the water being poisonous. I'll get it of it soon.
Upon learning that her father is about to punish the monkey, she panics and needs to do something about it immediately. Soooo how are we going to do something about it?
I saw you walk. Over to the entrance. You can walk.
Or, I don't care, you can teleport, you're a goddamn video game character. I am not about to carry another princess back to her father, for fucks sake!
I... look around for something to carry her in, but there's nothing. It's just the cell and her. I look through my inventory but don't find anythi--
Wait. Something to put stuff in...
No. Game. Please. Don't do this. Don't make me do this. There's no way this works, right?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NO. WHAT.
It's a TIGHT FIT?
I just put a PERSON in a bottle!! What do you mean? She's DEAD. I'm a MURDERER!
Sooo, I run back to the palace, through the now unpoisoned swamp and... dump her body unceremoniously on the floor.
"Woah, hands up. You killed my daughter."
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. But she wanted to be carried and a bottle was all I had. There's some lesson in there about wishing and being careful, but I'm not smart so ask the monkey.
No, of course she's fine. The game would never call Link a murderer. Just make him one and look the other way. That's much better. Here's a reanimated princess for you!
The princess jumps up and scolds her father (okay, respect), and orders the Dekus to free the monkey, which they do.
No problem. Totally. I naturally did it for your sake.
oh, has he now? That was quick, considering they were preparing a bonfire for the monkey a minute ago? But I'll take the butler's hapshot gift any day. All I got from the Temple was some darn remains, and who wants that?
They say he's out of the palace to the right, so I run out and find it.
Anyways, butler time.
Hey, nice... place. You look like you're about to unveil your secret plot to overthrow the King. That's what we're doing here?
Ah, I get ya. "Truly" "Thankful". Yeah, totally. Following your drift loud and visible, homie. He tells me to follow him and then he pops an umbrella like a badass and then begins floating backwards.
Like a flying Michael Jackson.
Yeah, this guy's one to watch out for. And he's definitely on the party list. You're Invited, you hear?! Party of the century!
I begin following him through what is quickly revealed to be quite a maze, and I only have his sound-cue to follow when I can't see him...
...and it goes up...
...and over water...
...and through a tree void...
...and through an invisible wall maze...
... like I appreciate you doing this to keep secret from the king, but does it have to be THIS elaborate?
... seems you went a bit overboard, is all I'm saying...
Finally! I-I mean, thanks! *pant pant* Phew. All right. Spill the juice! How are we offing him? Already killed one royalty today, what's another to the list?
I... see. Not quite what I expected. I'd imagined something a little more.... lethal.
"That's the smell of power"? Really, game? My puns are better than that. And that's not saying much.
Okay, so we're ousting the King by showing everyone that he... smells. I mean, I do get it, the princess did notice I smelled of monkey before. So if we go back and find him smelling of... I don't know... monkey, then that'd be bad. Clearly. He's colluding with the monkeys! Who are GOOD PEOPLE! We don't want that!
Okay. I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, I'm sorry to hear about your son. he seems like a nice kid.
All right, that's enough about your son. Goodbye.
And then i leave the secret underground tunnel-maze through a portal, which would've been nice when I was entering, but hey.
Yeah, this whole thing almost took the entire 3 days. Just managed to do it in time.
Which makes me ask the question if all of this gets undone when I rewind? Because I'll have to.
Does the swamp repoison when I turn back time? Will the princess be unfreed? Will the monkey die, again?
I'm curious how the game'll handle that. But... we'll find out next time! Since this one went kinda long all of a sudden. A lot happened after I finished that temple.
Oh well, next time we'll smell our way to victory!
(Also, I should look up what getting all the fairies gives me, because I Do Not want to do it if it's pointless.)